When you came in the air went out
I’m reading Lonesome Dove but because my traitorous fingers slutted it up with Google five minutes ago, I found out that Augustus hung Jake Spoon WAY BEFORE AUGUSTUS HUNG JAKE SPOON.
I finished House, season 5, with my mom today, but I ALSO knew sex with Cuddy was going to happen and consequently that it was a hallucination because GOOGLE SATAN TOLD ME SO. Then I had to pretend that I totes hadn’t seen it coming while my mom was all “OMG WHAAAT”. My fingers make unrepentant sinners.
Oops, I hope I didn’t spoil anyone. But according to sources, I’m so slow the earth had darn went spun out under me, so everyone should’ve already known Augustus hung Jake Spoon and sex with Cuddy wasn’t sex with Cuddy and that dear, sweet George O’Malley… *psychotic breakdown*
Also, I read Max (James Patterson) and last few pages, they had a preview of the manga version of the series AND MAX WAS STANDING AT THE WINDOW IN A SPAGHETTI TOP AND PANTIES. WHEN J. PATZ SPENDS LIKE, EVERY 5 PAGES IN THE NOVEL REMINDING US THAT MAX IS A TOMBOY IN DIRTY JEANS AND SMELLY TEES. Then I remembered that manga is a pseudonym for little boy porn, where girls have Pam-Anderson breasts, Cathie-Jung waists, and eyes the size of my grandma’s dinner plates. Boys of questionable gender and floppy purple hair may also be present. DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE.
I’m aware that there are people out there doing body shots while I’m sitting here, pecking at the keyboard in my pajamas. I’m so boring it’s boring, omg.
P.S. Not that I think people getting ass-drunk is the epitome of coolness, future kids of mine. OMG I AM BORING AND A PRUDE. I’M A BORING PRUDE.
